Hurricane day 3
Do a lot of fish die in a hurricane?
The hurricane is making me really tired. It’s probably late enough to think about going to sleep but then tomorrow will be an epically long day. I there an a in epicly? Or is it spelled like that? These are the things we are down to discussing about four hours in. Anne just asked if a lot of fish die in a hurricane. Great question. I’ve spent the last nine minutes thinking about it. Pretty sure the answer is yes.
But the first field reporter to get blown out to sea is going to be a huge youtube sensation.
So no one stepped up to help me do my creativity class project (thanks, dicks). So I made this…
The Wire: To evacuate
A transcript of every interview on TV right now
- Studio Anchor: It's getting bad out there folks. For an eyewitness account, let's head out to our roving reporter live from the boardwalk.
- Field Reporter: I'm coming to you live from INSIDE THE OCEAN. The wind is literally blowing my eyes out of my skull. I can't see you. Please go home.
- Studio Anchor: Looks bad out there. We're hearing that some people are ignoring the calls to leave town. Is that true?
- Field Reporter: It is true. I'm joined by [Insert name of local moron] who decided to stay. Sir, tell us why you would be so stupid as to stand out here in the rain and wind?
- Roving Idiot: I've braved the conditions before. I want to protect my home.
- Field Reporter: Don't you know how dangerous it is out here? The mayor just said that if you don't leave, you're doing so at your own peril.
- Roving Idiot: I stayed during Hurricane Irene.
- Field Reporter: And they're telling us that they can't physically force people to leave town, but folks, please heed these warnings. It's getting bad here.
- Roving Idiot: Be safe everyone.
- Field Reporter: Thank you! Everyone please be safe and if at all possible, head to dry land. It's almost certain death if you stay here. Back to you in the studio. This is [FIELD REPORTER] reporting from the eye of the storm. I'll be back here live all day despite my warnings that if you do the same thing it's at your peril and you will die and there is literally no way that an emergency vehicle can get here to save you.
- Studio Anchor: Thanks, Bob. Stay safe out there.
More on Evacuating
Still not sure if I totally get this, but I think Obama just said, “If you’re not evacuating when you’re asked to evacuate…” which loosely translates to: ”If you’re not shitting when you’re asked to shit…”
Who’s with me?
Breaking: Earthquake hits NJ!
As if things weren’t bad enough, NBC just reported that a minor earthquake hit New Jersey.
Oh wait, that was just Chris Christie leaving his press conference.